I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
