My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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