Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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