he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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