my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
