I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
