Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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