whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
