i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
