Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
