he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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