it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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