Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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