Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How does one acquire holy water?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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