All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
