Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
