I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
