He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I currently don't understand fingers.
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