4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
