Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
