Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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