I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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