one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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