dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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