my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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