Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
