well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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