Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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