I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
