I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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