Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
