Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
