well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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