My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
