I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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