I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
