i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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