I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
