I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
