i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize