I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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