I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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