apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
