Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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