I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
