she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
