Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
