my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
