my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
