I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was so not down for the gang bang
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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