see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
