I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
