I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
