I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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