It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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