what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
