he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
