You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
