She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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