this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
