I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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