im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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