I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize