dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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