We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
