her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
