went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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