the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
