I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
