you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
