I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
