I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
