He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
