My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this boner is exhausting
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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