All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
