oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
