It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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