Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize